08.06.2021

 

    Hi, me again. At this point I realize I am using this as a very public online diary to keep track of when I feel lost. You see I have it on the bookmarks bar. You can see how this makes me feel nostalgic... Not that it's a bad thing, but hoping not to dwell in the past so much. To be fair I don't have as much of my past memorized as I really should though.

    So I'm not in touch with my own feelings. What do I want out of this life? Am I where I need to be? Let's not focus on should and should nots though, I guess there is no point pondering that. But am I where I want to be? When I get asked in job interviews: Where do you want to be in 5 years? You know, those typical question. I find myself quickly mustering up a random excuse, or just any answer that will get me by. I find myself with the same safe answer of: I just want to live a peaceful life without bothering anyone. So in order to do that I find a paying job and work up to that. Is THAT what I want? 

    If you were to ask me I don't want an office job. I don't want to go back it being soulless working for some company. I feel empty. But then I don't know if it was because of the environment of the previous job I had, was that somehow unique to its own situation and I can't use that as standard? I know I should look for a job, but I keep looking and I can't find anything I wanna do. I think it then comes back again to what I want. I come back to this point where I wanna go in life. And I avoid this question OVER AND OVER again! I told myself I was going to find myself before quitting my previous job. I told myself I was going to do that while being jobless five months ago. Why. Why is it so hard?

    If anyone ever sees this. I hope you are doing well. I hope you are working towards a great future. Future here can just be tomorrow. I hope you are well. I really do.

30.08.2020

 

Much to my shame, this blog's remnants are still around for me to see; I have just come upon this realization while procrastinating and clearing emials. I have no wish to delete it, and after a rough inspection, I guess it shall somehow help me practice writing, and if not, keep memories. I don't know if my friend Misa will ever see this, seeing she's been the only respondent to my blog posts since like 2010 or whatnot. I am actually currently enrolled in this short course to pass HSK 6. So I guess I've come far from who I was back when I started the blog, kudos to self betterment? Though my self esteem has done nothing but slide downhills over the years, no joke. So I'm a bit sad, the sad undertone that lies under all my happy feelings. Writing my homework. Will have to go back to work tomorrow. I dread it. A lot. What's the point of working if there is no motivation, no goal, the only goal for keeping this job is because I have not figured myself out I guess, along with money, and in this economy, that's crucial enough. I mean, until I muster enough courage and self discipline to do what I need to do, I cannot afford to step out of this zone. Enough on this drabble, I just wanted to say hi to the blog I guess.

Nice to see you again, you.

30.06.14 (moved.)

It's been a while, I should be moved on~

To all you manga readers out there, please please please do read Deadman Wonderland, it is amazing okay. You don't even have to wait for the next episode because it has unfortunately ended. Nyehhhh. I shall go cry and sob in the corner while getting back to doing my chemistry presentation now that i JUST finished with the reading, and all dem feels, help? GODDDDDD i shall cry, bye. 

Helppp read it and come talk to moi people

30.10.12

Halloween soon :) haven't written in a while but neither has misa! Im praying so hard to get good grades and doing last minute studies right now!!! im gunna die but i made a goal in life sheet and sorted yself out im not gunna tell you anything about that but just to say that i will work hard for it seriously :) im feeling new! :) Taylor Swift's new album RED is amazing <3 and waiting for christina grimmie's second album to come out! >.< even though i dont know when it will :) im going to go now <33333333

08.08.12

Just then, i just thought of a cool idea, as this is a very boring blog... I think i should tell you's out there how to play Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time on Mac!!! Well you could do it on PC but i have a mac so i am going to teach you how to do it on mac!! <3 Firstly, we are dealing with sixtyforce :) it is an app, a N64 emulator for mac (project 64 for windows). just go to this here <-- then download it. The registration serial number or whatever is needed to be able to save and stuff i think, i finished mine ages ago so i can not really remember but the link i am going to provide you with soon will have the version 9 and 8's code for sure, others i am not sure so.. yeah well go to this, read through you will find it or if you want it straight away, i used this one, Registered to: Fido

Serial number: 60FORCE-44B1-7J6E-5CL9-A0P3-62PP

version 9.0 i think. Well well then of course you have to download the mac or whatever verion of Ocarina of Time or whatever ones you want to play, i recommend Ocarina of Time <3 it is AMAZING, although i get busy and never got round to finishing it. Okay where am i up to... so you go to this here and download the game (LOZ: ocarina of time) The the rest should be straightforward :) pretty much got all of this info from the internet anyway while i was looking it up once upon a time... But i thought i might make myself useful to the world and do this <3 haah well then that's pretty much all you need to know. Just go on it and press file, open and find the file then enjoy!! (dont forget to do the controls config) YAYYYYYY have funnnnnnn like i did :)

01.07.12

Its really early in the morning at the mo. Its like the 30th but its past midnight!! I got back home safely in one piece today!! Well yesterday :) and was welcomed home by my grandparents (maternal) and mum and dad and mu sister :) thats all i have o say better go to sleep. Love yous xx
P.S If i write about our adventure it will be posted later xop

26.06.12

The Ben ***** adventure!!!!
Sooo i was helping the teacher organize the stuff for the international food day... Then i saw this person who paid five dollars but ordered nothing! His name was Benjamin!!! We were assigned to go on an adventure to find out what he wants cuz i thought it was mean to guess what he wants! So we got told the direction to the class. But i had no idea. We just walked round to each class and asked. The info we got from this nice teacher was that they were in the library and would be back in like 3 minutes but while we were waiting... The bell rang and it was time to go to the next class. We were gunna head to the library just in case but the second bell rang ( indicating:"you are sooo dead" ) so we ran to class. Woo in the end we couldn't find him. So much for the adventure hah. Yeah thought yu might wanna know cuz i we enjoyed it :) x